FROM THE JOURNAL OF ALEXANDER MANNING part 1

FROM THE JOURNAL OF ALEXANDER MANNING
- The Bouttreaux Incident: Part 1 -


So! It has become startlingly apparent that these dreams I've been having of a wondrous, almost Feierlandic Castle name “Boutrreaux” are, in fact, real. I had thought they were a dream, for the week that I had spent there had introduced me to some wonderfully quirky and highly entertaining Noblepeople. Marvellous! I appreciated their generous offers of drink and accommodation as much as their recognition of my nobility. Equally pleasantly, my natural charm and strange tales had My Sexy Zimbabwean Wife Adia and me entertaining various Noble Ladies in particularly intimate ways. The majority of my Multiversal Manipulations have been assuredly horrible, thus it took some convincing for me to believe this part to be anything more than a nice dream.

But I ramble, and a dream it most certainly was not! For one morning, after another Adventure-Dream-Horror, I entered the dining room to find none other than that unscrupulous clothman, Uggs, standing smartly in the opposite doorway! Wearing robes! That pompous fiend! We exchanged a masculine embrace and shared stories of our travels and fortunes. He had informed the butler of our friendship and gained lodging in this exceedingly fun holding. During this conversation I learned, happily, that some stalwart midget had arrived, leading a wagon full of wine no less! A boon from The King Of Turns! O, what a glorious time! I immediately resolved to hold a party.

Tired from his undoubtedly arduous journey, Uggs retired to his room whilst I set about preparations for the revelry. I had My Persian Boy, Abu gather My Sexy Zimbabwean Wife Adia and some of the ingredients from my room... I took them to the kitchen, where I ordered the Castle Cuisiniers, under supervision of my lovely wife, to prepare a warm and exotic feast for the household and its patrons. Also they were to add wine and spirits to anything that could handle them.

Shortly before dinner, everyone is seated. There is enough wine to drown a rock and the wonderful and exotic scents of the food waft gently into the hall on a pleasant breeze. Everyone had a certain energy, all full of joy and excitement, like puppies... I can only assume they were full of the life of a pregnant moon! Earnest conversations spread liveliness and mirth through all present.

The wine starts to flow, and laughter with it. A variety of breathtaking meals were served, the warmth of the spice and the curiousness of the flavours amplified the joy in the room (My thanks to Adia, who looked positively radiant in her new jewellery). The table is cleared and replaced (by who, if I recall, might have been Elsa? From the Desert? Strange times) with more wine... and a little something I had been saving for precisely then. Mightily, I swept aside some glasses and tossed my Polyhedral Potioncube upon the table. Conversations halted and gasps preceded my words. I bade all heed, and told them of the dangerous and mystical floating desert of Sanctum, above Unity: the Kingdom of Faerie Elves. I shared a tale of the dragon that flew me there and the Fae Queen that gifted me his use. I regaled the strange culture and sinister surrounds of a sun-drenched town and the swarthy merchant from which I bargain'd this brilliant artifact. I told them of it's previous owner (the tinker's own brother), and of the joys and power it brought this long parted Adventurer. I finished the tale with how this cube, bringer of liquid gifts and taker of precious lives, ended up being the story of this Desert Man - the story of his life and his tragic death.

I paused. I rolled the prism. Gesturing to the vial which now sat atop it, I dared this drunken, energised rabble to drink of the thing! To trust in The Three to reward their courage! “Fortune favours the brave”, I bellowed! My Persian Boy Abu handed me the first potion, and I quaffed it with a flourish! Jaws hung open and all eyes watched me. There I stood, the magic coursing through me.... The silence in the room was beautiful.

Gentle reader, if ye taketh offence to profanity I implore thee to turn-page... For only the profane doth verily capture events from said evening. A Party To End All Parties. Kind reader, take thy seat and make preparations, for I continue this tale from the quaffing of that first potion...

Ladies and Gentlefolk, I must share the truth of that night. Please trust me when I tell you:

Shit got crazy.

_________________

More to follow ;)

Farley the Dwarf's drunken rant

"About a week back some godforsakenly ugly one eyed zealot came round the blue rabbit looking to break free one of his comrades from prison. Some cleric had a run in with the sister of the lady of the lord and was now locked up in castle Bouttreaux. He was looking to assault the castle. At first I thought, this fool is gonna get a bunch of folk killed. What was there to gain going on a suicide mission? Why not sneak in? Hell, don't know why you'd bother if you couldn't loot the place... wait a minute. Did he say castle?"

"Half a plan started formulating as I introduced myself to the zealot. Uggs, a self proclaimed man of negotiable faith, brought me in to his group, where I met his companions Elsa, a not so trustworthy looking archer, and Alexander Manning, an explorer of some sorts. The guy might've been crazy, but he had a knack for finding folks willing to rush of to their doom and we were soon joined by an aspiring magic user named Rellyck, and Rubro a traveler with fists like steel. Before our first meeting I had my henchmen buddy go on a stake out to see if I could turn this half a plan into something worth the time."

"The castle was not so heavily guarded, and Buddy managed to get a solid enough list of who was who staying in the castle with that I proposed to Uggs a little side venture in route to breaking out his friend. The plan was simple but needed some work. First those of us who were new to the area would gain the trust of the Lady Susan and the Priest of the castle to determine where the prisoner was located, and more importantly the existence of any loot."

"Elsa proved to be resourceful, not only getting the priest to spill the location of the prisoner, but bedding the Lady Susan and gaining admittance into the castle itself. Alexander took a similar route and easily wooed her sister, Chezmerelda becoming a welcomed guest at the castle. They were able to locate the loot, and pass on that information while I went around town ensuring we were properly equipped for the heist. The next day I arranged a meeting with the great wizard James so I could work on getting myself and Rellyck into the castle before the heist as well."

"I've had a few trade deals with James and he's always seemed like a wizard of great wealth. Rellyck would be our inside man, and I introduced him to James as being a magic user looking for an apprenticeship. Rellyck was not trusted right away unfortunately but sent on a quest by James to procure magic unknown before he could begin his apprenticeship. Either way we had an in as I scheduled to personally deliver a giant marble and ivory globe and solid silver giant gecko head in exchange for a magical item to Castle Bouttreaux in just two days time. By the time I got back Uggs had already worked out a way to bring in the rest of the crew."
 
"Posing as a high ranking cleric, Uggs bought a fancy carriage, and acolyte clothing for both Rubro and Buddy who would act as his bodyguards. The morning of the delivery they arrived to the castle to visit his "old friend" Alexander Manning. By the time I arrived all the pieces were in place."

"Along with my delivery, I ensured I had more than enough ale to get a party started, and hidden aboard more than enough bombs should something go wrong. Having an ale with James as the sun began to set I let the guards know that drinks was on me. Soon enough the Lord broke out his wine reserves and the party began to rage in the great hall. While I worked on getting the inhabitants of Castle Bouttreaux nice and stinking drunk, Alexander began passing around and drinking out of some sort of cube. Next thing you know the Lord starts smashing stuff yelling that he hasn't felt this young in years, and so I pass him another mug of ale and start thrashing the hall alongside him."

"Suddenly a brawl breaks out between the Lord and one of Jame's bodyguards spilling out into the courtyard. Everyone starts cheering and the whole hall goes outside to witness the most epic wrestling match I've seen. In the crowd I run into Uggs who wants to move now. Looking around in the surrounding chaos the party got way more wild than I expected it to, so quickly I ran to the carriage and brought sleep bombs up to Rubro and Buddy and let them know it's time to start looting."

"Not sure what happened next as when I ran back outside to assist Uggs something came over me and heavily I fell asleep. Last thing I saw was Alexander punching out some treeman in priests clothing. You probably heard the rest of the story same as I did from the nobles the next morning. Beautiful thing is they did not suspect a single one of us, as some time after I lost consciousness Satan himself showed to the party and took the rap for the whole thing."

Someone nailed this to the door.

Let the Woed Ruckus begin!

Our generous host Vithujin the Elf, the Pantless Pilgrim, the Demon Freezer, and only person to have successfully prodded the Dragon of Dundagel and been remortaled to talk about it; is throwing a party.

Already in attendance are those persons possessing a gentle spirit, quick wit, or firm backside.

Now the rest of you need to show up.

The plan is to fill the Abbey with songs, stories, and seductions for a full week.

St. Emmet's antennae will be flailing wildly. 

via here

and here

Let me show you around

                  Some of our more attractive patrons and this is after you're a couple tankards in.



At this moment La Lapin Bleu is a modest tavern. Housing a bar that can hold several patrons and their drinks. If you're lucky a stool might even be available.*

The ale wives will make sure you have the finest ale that Wessex can offer.

For entertainment we have a lovely stage housing the best on local bawdy raunchy, and unsanctimonious theater this section of England can offer. So lewd you'll have to go to confession on Sunday twice. Our stage is the size of honest country fair but don't let's its modesty fool you of the quality of its shows.

For those in need a foreign diversion Darf F-M, co-proprietor of this establishment, will regale you in tales of the Dwarf-Land. Come here tell you the tale of Granny Grimtits, here of strange lands where Dwarfs live in titanic boots, hollow trees and hillside smials!

And if that's not enough there is more! Watch as the lovely ladies three dance to the music of a most strange and foreign beat. Don't be shy gentle folk these ladies are working for a living. Let the coin rain down on them as if you had just defeated the last dragon in England.

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* stools broken during bar fights will be put onto the patrons tab.