Monday, March 12, 2012

Farley the Dwarf's drunken rant

"About a week back some godforsakenly ugly one eyed zealot came round the blue rabbit looking to break free one of his comrades from prison. Some cleric had a run in with the sister of the lady of the lord and was now locked up in castle Bouttreaux. He was looking to assault the castle. At first I thought, this fool is gonna get a bunch of folk killed. What was there to gain going on a suicide mission? Why not sneak in? Hell, don't know why you'd bother if you couldn't loot the place... wait a minute. Did he say castle?"

"Half a plan started formulating as I introduced myself to the zealot. Uggs, a self proclaimed man of negotiable faith, brought me in to his group, where I met his companions Elsa, a not so trustworthy looking archer, and Alexander Manning, an explorer of some sorts. The guy might've been crazy, but he had a knack for finding folks willing to rush of to their doom and we were soon joined by an aspiring magic user named Rellyck, and Rubro a traveler with fists like steel. Before our first meeting I had my henchmen buddy go on a stake out to see if I could turn this half a plan into something worth the time."

"The castle was not so heavily guarded, and Buddy managed to get a solid enough list of who was who staying in the castle with that I proposed to Uggs a little side venture in route to breaking out his friend. The plan was simple but needed some work. First those of us who were new to the area would gain the trust of the Lady Susan and the Priest of the castle to determine where the prisoner was located, and more importantly the existence of any loot."

"Elsa proved to be resourceful, not only getting the priest to spill the location of the prisoner, but bedding the Lady Susan and gaining admittance into the castle itself. Alexander took a similar route and easily wooed her sister, Chezmerelda becoming a welcomed guest at the castle. They were able to locate the loot, and pass on that information while I went around town ensuring we were properly equipped for the heist. The next day I arranged a meeting with the great wizard James so I could work on getting myself and Rellyck into the castle before the heist as well."

"I've had a few trade deals with James and he's always seemed like a wizard of great wealth. Rellyck would be our inside man, and I introduced him to James as being a magic user looking for an apprenticeship. Rellyck was not trusted right away unfortunately but sent on a quest by James to procure magic unknown before he could begin his apprenticeship. Either way we had an in as I scheduled to personally deliver a giant marble and ivory globe and solid silver giant gecko head in exchange for a magical item to Castle Bouttreaux in just two days time. By the time I got back Uggs had already worked out a way to bring in the rest of the crew."
"Posing as a high ranking cleric, Uggs bought a fancy carriage, and acolyte clothing for both Rubro and Buddy who would act as his bodyguards. The morning of the delivery they arrived to the castle to visit his "old friend" Alexander Manning. By the time I arrived all the pieces were in place."

"Along with my delivery, I ensured I had more than enough ale to get a party started, and hidden aboard more than enough bombs should something go wrong. Having an ale with James as the sun began to set I let the guards know that drinks was on me. Soon enough the Lord broke out his wine reserves and the party began to rage in the great hall. While I worked on getting the inhabitants of Castle Bouttreaux nice and stinking drunk, Alexander began passing around and drinking out of some sort of cube. Next thing you know the Lord starts smashing stuff yelling that he hasn't felt this young in years, and so I pass him another mug of ale and start thrashing the hall alongside him."

"Suddenly a brawl breaks out between the Lord and one of Jame's bodyguards spilling out into the courtyard. Everyone starts cheering and the whole hall goes outside to witness the most epic wrestling match I've seen. In the crowd I run into Uggs who wants to move now. Looking around in the surrounding chaos the party got way more wild than I expected it to, so quickly I ran to the carriage and brought sleep bombs up to Rubro and Buddy and let them know it's time to start looting."

"Not sure what happened next as when I ran back outside to assist Uggs something came over me and heavily I fell asleep. Last thing I saw was Alexander punching out some treeman in priests clothing. You probably heard the rest of the story same as I did from the nobles the next morning. Beautiful thing is they did not suspect a single one of us, as some time after I lost consciousness Satan himself showed to the party and took the rap for the whole thing."

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